Menstuff® has compiled information, books and resources on the
issue of sexual abuse.
I'm a Man
Sexual Abuse
Double-Standard
Treatment for Child Abusers
Sexual Battery
Incest
& Molestation
Child Molestation - Next Door - Our
Ad
Rape
Date Rape
Corrective Rape
Myths Surrounding the Sexual
Abuse of Males
Sexual Abuse of Boys
"My boyfriend
raped me in his sleep!"
About Male Sexual
Victimization
Genital Mutilation
(Circumcision)
Campus Rape Prevention
Program Targets Men's Restrooms
Wrongful Rape Convictions
Every 5 Minutes a Man is Forcibly
Raped in the U.S. - The Other Side of Rape
Fraternities Speak Out Against Sexual
Abuse
Only "Yes" Means Yes
Request
Snippets on Sexual Abuse
Newsbytes
Resources
and the Facts of Life
Line
Related Issues: Talking With
Kids About Tough Issues, Abuse
- Ritual, Incest/Molestation,
Circumcision, Violence,
Domestic Violence, Sexual
Harassment, Women's' Violence
and Prisons.
Books - Abuse -
Boys, Abuse -
Children, Abuse -
MPD, Abuse -
Ritual, Abuse -
Sexual
Books on Related Topics of Circumcision,
Anger,
Forgiveness,
Violence,
Domestic
Violence, Sexual
Violence, Sexual
Harassment, and Women's'
Violence
Journals
- on Sexual Abuse and Trauma
Bumper
Sticker - Make the World Safe for Children
Bibliography on Boundaries
She washes my penis
Rolling it around in her hands.
I feel aroused.
She puts her lips on it
kissing, gently sucking.
I feel it growing.
After all, "I'm a man."
I should be enjoying this.
Does it matter that
I haven't turned two yet?
This was my first poem, written while attending a gathering of poets and writers who had been sexually abused as children. With April being the month for national awareness on sexual abuse, and my belief that all of us, and particularly men, must come out of the closet around the ways we have been abused to help put an end to these problems, I have chosen Sexual/Ritual abuse as the focus here. I won't focus on the atrocities but concentrate on a different perspective.
Let's look at the definition of sexual abuse derived primarily from within the Recovery community.
It is said that 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys (over 2 out of 3 boys if we include circumcision) will be sexually victimized before their 18th birthday, 85% of the perpetrators are individuals the child already knows-blood relatives, extended family members, neighbors, baby-sitters, etc. (Lear's Magazine, Feb, 1992). (See More Detail at the end of this page.)
If the truth be known, I think those numbers are on the low side
and that it is such a horrendous thing for the adult mind to
consider, that the inner child gets pushed even deeper from the
surface of freedom, denying anything that bad could have ever
happened to them. (In The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior, 1993, only
11% of men and 23% of women reported having been sexually molested as
children.) When the nightmares come, or a flash of memory, or a
negative body reaction to a sexual activity, it may be a sign that
your inner child is ready to talk. Are you listening?
We all probably have one or more experiences of sexual abuse in our lives. What I will talk about here is a little different perspective. I want to focus on some of the effects of living in the largest sex-negative country in the world, where puritanical thought still wants us to think of sex as a tool for procreation only, not for joy. We're taught to be ashamed of masturbation, especially in marriage, not to touch children, not to hug and touch other adults unless it's sexual, simply because it will be taken as a sexual advance by most. It's a country where men touch other human beings 6-8 times a day, 4-6 of those touches are sexual yet Spanish men touch other human beings over 100 times a day, 6-8 of them sexual. Where two men could be beaten to death for walking hand-in-hand, though this is a common sight in Australia, Africa, Indonesia and many of the Soviet Block countries. Where people like Russ Limbaugh ridicule Bill Clinton and Al Gore for hugging in public, implying they must be some kind of perverts. There's something wrong with this picture where the power of a Limbaugh or the Christian Right can get a law passed in Colorado and almost in Oregon against gay and lesbians doing what the medical and psychological communities and many religious denominations have taken as a natural, god-given gift. (The Janus Report shows that 22% of men and 17% of women have had at least one homosexual experience.) It's the repression of what is natural that causes some people to do things that are not natural. Pedophiles are notoriously very "religious" people and, also reported in The Janus Report, three times as many ultraconservatives, compared to either independents or ultraliberals, rated sadomasochism as an acceptable practice.
In a country that claims to want to take responsibility to teach
our children about sex, fewer than 20% of the parents actually do any
form of sex education with their children. This has to be a
contributor to the fact that there are 2 million teen pregnancies
every year and that the heterosexual teen segment is one of the
fastest growing segments when it comes to AIDS and other sexually
transmitted diseases. So, what do we think we're doing as adults and
parents. Protecting our children by not telling them? Know that under
one of the definitions of "sexual abuse" above, the teaching of
inappropriate information or the lack of teaching appropriate sex
information is sexual abuse of children. We, have a responsibility as
parents to get beyond our own fears and uncomfortableness, to insure
that our children get information that will help them develop healthy
and safe attitudes about sex.
One of the travesties of this culture is the training fathers receive that causes them to withdraw as their teen-age daughters begin to develop. And, because most men are afraid to reveal our feelings to anyone, even other men or a therapist, we think that having these feelings makes us perverted. We often withdraw from our daughters at this very important time in their lives when they really need our positive reflection of their budding sexuality. If we would read, we would find out that the sexual energy is natural, and it comes from the daughter too. It shouldn't nor does it need to be acted out. But, don't turn or move away from your daughters hugs, either. It's often experienced by the daughter as a rejection of her as a sexual being, from the first and most important man in her life. This can be very damaging.
Phyllis Chesler writes in Mothers on Trial, that a custody battle constitutes male violence against women and that anti-mother brainwashing (among other things) by custodial fathers is child abuse. I think it's psychologically, if not sexually, abusive to keep fathers from shared joint physical custody of their children, making them a visitor at best in their children's lives. This includes fathers who decide not to be part of their children's lives. One of the reasons for this is that it denies the children the experience of their father, which is part of them and they'll never have the opportunity to see the masculine part of him as well as his feminine side. It is when the father is not allowed to acknowledge that feminine side in himself, in the presences of his children, and the acknowledgment of that in his children, that distorts those parts in his children.
Another area is around not informing the father of the birth and subsequent adoption of his child. Having talked to many adoptees about not knowing their father, nor being provided the information as a adult on how to find their father, has damaged them for a lifetime. Making it legal to keep this information from both the father and child is at least psychological abuse and can easily border on sexual abuse in many cases. "It is possible that the non-availability of a father...can be a predisposing factor in the development of gender identity disorders in their childhood" (DSM-III-R 302.60). Without the father's presence in his children's lives, the important lessons he was meant to teach don't get taught, not by a loving step-father, a loving mother, or anyone else.
Abusive messages surround us. Safeway, the grocery chain that's supposed to nourish us, is running a commercial aired last year. It shows a mother with two children and claims that she is a mother and a father, thereby removing any need of the father in the upbringing of balanced children. In essence, they have chosen to support the raising of more dysfunctional children.
Then there are the extreme cases where the father is charged with sexual abuse in a custody case. This is all too often used to get back at the husband and keep the children's love. In the long run what often happens is that the mother is the one who is rejected by the adult children for getting in between the children and their father, and it only destroys what could have been a very healthy up-bringing of the children by two parents in separate households.
While some of these accusations have been made that are false and
tear divorcing families apart, it is important not to deny what is a
horrid reality: sexual abuse happens, it happens to a great many
children and some adults, it happens primarily by men but women also
sexually abuse, and it is psychologically abusive to deny, minimize
or keep the secret about the level of sexual abuse against boys and
the impact it has on their lives.
After all is said and done, I really wonder if anyone, boys or girls, escape from some form of sexual abuse present in our culture today. The point is that we must take action now to break the chain of what happened to us, so we won't be multiplying this effect over the number of children we have and expect all of them to break the chain for their children. It takes one person at a time.
What's important is to listen to the stories, no matter how horrid
they may sound. Stories of childhood sexual abuse, of orgies, of
torture, of murder and sacrifice. It's important to talk about your
own experience, if you had one that you remember, and join together
with others to stop the perpetration of abuse wherever we find it -
in our own homes, next door, at the grocery store, in church or
school, no matter who's doing it or what their excuse may be. Abuse
must be stopped, NOW! Think about it! - Gordon Clay
For the record: Est. annual newly diagnosed cases of STDs in the
U.S. Chlamydia 4 million, human papilloma virus 500M-1 mil, gonorrhea
800M, genital herpes 200M-500M, syphilis 100M, AIDS 90M, hepatitis B
53M. SOURCE: Federal Centers for Disease Control & Prevention,
1994
How Often Does Child Sexual Abuse Get
Reported?
In an attempt to cope with the confusing reality of what has happened to them, many children develop survival skills or behaviors that will help them to cover up what they are really feeling. Families, friends and society sometimes see and judge the problem behavior when it is actually a symptom of the internal pain which has never been addressed.
The number of reports is rising each year due to mandatory reporting laws, better public education and greater public awareness of the problem. Over the last 30 years many key developments in law enforcement have made it easier to deal with victims and their families with greater understanding, making it easier for them to come forward and ask for help.
In the Commonwealth Fund Survey of the Health of Adolescent Girls, they found that of sexually abused children in grades five through twelve, 48% of the boys and 29% of the girls had told no one about the abuse—not even a friend or sibling. If indeed, sexual abuse happens to one in four children, yet only 1.8 cases are reported per 1,000 children you have to wonder why.
The most common reasons given by victims for not reporting these crimes to authorities:
1. They feel no one will believe them, as the perpetrator has told them repeatedly.
2. They are so consumed with self-blame and shame that it happened to them.
3. A parent or another adult believes them, but doesn’t want to involve outside parties. They feel it is a private matter and they will just keep the child away from the individual who was hurting them, so as not to disturb the family unit or community.
4. The child or the family is afraid of reprisal from the assailant.
There is always hope and assistance for recovery:
Even if your child or you made a decision to not report it at the time abuse happened, there are so many different methods and techniques to help you heal and gain greater understanding of what has happened to you or your child. No one deserves to suffer from painful memories. Healing is possible no matter how long ago the abuse took place. There is help, guidance and tools available to assist both victims and perpetrators overcome painful pasts and look forward to a future full of hope and promise.
Every state has a child-protection agency that is responsible for investigating sexual-abuse complaints. Any incident, or suspected incident, should be reported to this agency and to the police. Go with the child and then refrain from talking about the incident in front of people who really don’t need to know. When you report it to the police, ask for an officer trained in dealing with children and ask for a private place to discuss the situation. Children are usually a little bit more open with someone who does not remind them of the perpetrator. Stay with your child and support him/her as they answer questions.
What should a parent do:
Tell them again and again, that they are not at fault. Reiterate
that it is the job of adults to protect children, not hurt them.
Reassure them that you believe them and will support their efforts
and those of the police in seeing this never happens to another
child. Most offenders molest more than one child; especially in cases
of incest. Breaking the silence and reporting the perpetrator to the
authorities or a trusted adult will protect other children. Be sure
to tell your child it takes courage to speak out when things are
wrong, and you are proud of them for stepping forward.
Source: By Judy H. Wright, ezinearticles.com/?expert=Judy_H._Wright
From the State Police's bureau of research and development we know that nearly 10 percent of the more than 3,000 reported victims of rape in 1999 were male. Most were under 18; 90 were 10 and younger.
Adolescent boys. Vulnerable boys. Boys who likely will drag the scars of that experience with them as they stumble toward adulthood, just as surely as their unfortunate sisters who were sexually assaulted. Rape isn't about sex. It's about the dehumanizing abuse of power and privacy.
Except in the eyes of the FBI.
For reasons both sexist and bureaucratic, the FBI continues to employ a narrow, anachronistic definition of rape in what is known as the Uniform Crime Report (UCR), the annual compilation of national crime statistics. Rape simply is "the carnal knowledge of a female, forcibly and against her will."
All the variations of rape outside that definition - rape of males, rape committed against the victim's will but without force, statutory rape - are downgraded in the UCR to a lesser, less-reported category of crime. As a result, says Carol E. Tracy of the Women's Law Project in Philadelphia, "the public at large really doesn't have any idea of the extent of sex crimes in this country."
Tracy and the Law Project have begun campaigning to broaden this definition. This week, they sent draft letters to sexual-assault coalitions across the country, outlining the consequences of the problem. They hope to garner signatures and support before presenting a final argument to the FBI in mid-June.
Although she doesn't hold out much hope that the FBI will act quickly, criminologist Jane Siegel says many of her peers consider the UCR definition woefully inadequate. "This is not just semantics, it's a significant issue," says Siegel, assistant professor of criminal justice at Rutgers University in Camden.
"It continues to reinforce the image of rape as that specific act defined in the UCR," she says. "If the police don't believe a woman was raped if she wasn't beaten, it makes the task of sensitizing the police all the more difficult."
It has also created anomalies within the UCR. Rape data from Illinois are not included in the UCR, for instance, because that state refuses to adhere to the FBI's narrow definition and reports all rapes as rapes.
Let it be said that this is an issue of reporting, not prosecution. In Pennsylvania and most other states, rape is more broadly defined and gender-neutral - which is why Harrisburg records both male and female victims. But Tracy argues that the narrower FBI definition sends a dampening message to police departments: These other sorts of rape aren't as significant. They're not worth quick responses or aggressive investigation.
Maybe they're not really rape.
The injustice of this message is staggering. A recent federal report found that 31 percent of victims of sexual assault under age 6 were male. Yet the FBI would count sexual assaults on those boy-victims as Other Sex Crimes, a less important category reported only when an arrest has been made.
The UCR also lumps rapes committed by blood relatives in that lesser category, and rapes in which there is no evidence of physical force. Do we really expect that the most vulnerable of victims - children, and the mentally or physically disabled - are able to resist sexual assault? Why should the crimes against them be discounted simply because these victims have no physical bruises?
This is hardly the first time the UCR has been criticized. In the 1980s, the FBI included a broader, more realistic definition of rape in a new system for gathering crime data called the National Incident- Based Reporting System. But the new system is so detailed and complex that now, more than 15 years later, it is used only in small communities. "For a department of our size," says Philadelphia Deputy Police Commissioner Charles Brennan, "it will take millions of dollars and years of time to move in that direction."
The much more sensible option, one that Brennan advocates, is to expand the UCR's definition of rape to make it more consistent with state and local law enforcement standards. Keep the old definition, too, if that helps to track trends and comparisons. But for the sake of accuracy and fairness, the UCR, now more than 70 years old, must be brought into the 21st century.
Centuries ago, rape was defined not as a crime against a person, but as a crime against property. The underlying message was clear: Women were property, to be protected from defilement from those outside the family, and men were, well, never raped.
Our concepts of sexuality, privacy and personhood have advanced since then. Time for the FBI to catch up.
Source: www.commondreams.org/views01/0510-01.htm
About Male Sexual Victimization,
Richard Gartner
To be identified as a sexual victim makes many boys and men question their masculinity and/or sexual orientation. The shame that accompanies such doubts silences many boys about their experiences. Yet if abuse remains unacknowledged and untreated, it may lead to such personal and societal consequences as depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems, in addition to self-destructive behaviors, substance abuse, and family dysfunction.
Prevailing myths about the sexual abuse of boys often interfere with recognizing and treating the problem. A prime example is the preconception that all abused boys become perpetrators of abuse, when in fact about three quarters of these boys never become sexual offenders. Because of the widespread belief in the myth, however, many men and boys are afraid they will become abusive and/or will be thought to be offenders should they talk about their victimization.
Another complicating myth is that boys sexually abused by men become homosexual. In fact, boys who are sexually abused may grow up to be heterosexual, gay, or bisexual. Most researchers believe that sexual orientation is rooted in factors having nothing to do with sexual victimization, and in most cases has already been well established before a boy is abused. But, while sexual abuse does not determine sexual orientation, many sexually abused boys and men become very confused or feel negatively about both their sexual orientation and their sexual functioning in general.
The aim of the National Organization on Male Sexual Victimization (NOMSV) is to educate about, advocate for, and insure proper treatment is available to sexually victimized boys and men. It is the only non-profit national organization that specifically addresses male sexual victimization. Its mission statement is: “Dedicated to a safe world, we are an organization of diverse individuals, committed through research, education, advocacy and activism to the prevention, treatment and elimination of all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men.”
Since 1988, NOMSV has held national conferences for male survivors, their significant others, and professionals who work with them. These biennial conferences include both educational and healing workshops. The next conference will be held in New York City on October, 2001.
In 1998, NOMSV also began to organize and support regional healing retreats for sexually abused men. Both the conferences and the retreats are needed resources to share practical information and ask questions as well as safe places for some men to acknowledge their own sexual victimization.
In addition, NOMSV maintains a web site www.malesurvivor.org to inform and educate about male sexual victimization. It includes bibliographies, first-person accounts, and articles about male sexual victimization.
Incorporated as a non-profit in 1995, NOMSV was granted Federal
tax-exempt status in 1996. Richard B. Gartner, Ph.D, 27 West 72nd
Street #708 New York, NY 10023-3498, 212-533-0345 or rgartner@richardgartner.com
or www.richardgartner.com
Campus Rape Prevention Program
Targets Men's Restrooms
A former Sunday school teacher who spent 2 1/2 years in jail before being acquitted of molestation charges is seeking $110 million in damages from the San Diego County.
A man who spent three years in prison on a wrongful rape conviction is suing the state of California, Los Angeles County, and several other groups. The man, a nurse, was sentenced to eight years on a charge of raping a mental patient at Metropolitan State Hospital in Norwalk. He was freed after DNA testing proved him innocent. He says he has gone bankrupt and lost his home and many possessions.
The state of Maryland is giving $300,000 to a Cambridge man for
the nine years he spent in prison before genetic evidence cleared him
of a rape-murder charge.
The Other Side of Rape - Every
Five Minutes a Man is Forcibly Rape in the U.S.
1. 
2, 
3. 
Fraternities Speak Out Against
Sexual Abuse
The following is the essence of the Statement of Position on Sexual Abuse: "The members of Pi Kappa Phi Fraternity believe that the attitudes and behavior exhibited by members of the collegiate population have direct bearing on the quality of their present and future life and that there is an increased consciousness of sexual exploitation and violence and incidences thereof not just on the nation's college campuses but in society and the Greek community has stated its responsibility in leadership, scholarship, community services, human dignity and respect, Pi Kappa Phi is committed to excellence in the Greek community, and this requires us to identify and solve serious problems that prevent the growth and development of our brothers, and strives to foster an atmosphere of healthy and proper attitudes and behavior towards sex and the sex roles, and wishes that the incidences of sexual abuse (mental and physical abuse - coercion, manipulation, harassment) between the men and women of the collegiate community be halted. Therefore, be it resolved that Pi Kappa Phi fraternity will not tolerate or condone any form of sexually-abusive behavior (either physically, mentally or emotionally) on the part of any of its members, and encourages educational programming involving social and communication skills, interpersonal relationships, social problem awareness, etiquette and sex-role expectations; and will develop a reward system to recognize chapters and individuals that lead in fostering a healthy attitude towards the opposite sex."
How do you know when "Yes" means
"Yes"?
According to the group, Coalition Against Sexual Assault, if we think you're guilty, you're guilty. This small group of the self appointed "politically correct" activist students and teachers from CASA (which stands for "home" in Spanish - not a very safe one if you disagree with them) obviously aren't interested in the truth. Because they believe that they hold the moral position and they shout down anyone who disagrees with them. And, in this segment, when that didn't work, they pulled the cord on 20/20s recording equipment. Their music teachers agrees. He claims the background to state that this student is a lepor to this college campus.
Does this seem familiar? Some in this group say that anyone accused doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt. Brings back images of Salem, doesn't it?. It's obvious that the Brown University campus has a dictatorship of the politically correct. The "victim" who would speak at rallies, didn't want her name used and it wasn't used in public, on television or in the campus newspaper. The same rights weren't afford the male involved. But, this isn't unusual nor the first time the Brown University campus has been a hot bed of political tourney. In the future, they'll probably blame it on the water.
How can we ever expect to bring up our girls to take responsibility for their lives when we make sure that they know that they don't have to be. Nothing is their fault. What they do when they're drunk, or depressed, or on PMS or break up with their boyfriend, whatever they do they cannot be held responsible for. What a far cry from the many cultures who bring up their daughters as responsible adults by 13, who start and maintain healthy families at 13. Who, at 13, raise their children to become responsible adults. But, at Brown University, 21 year olds aren't responsible and so blame others for their actions. And, get away with it.
The result is that men must really be aware if you're in any kind of a relationship with a woman - whether lover or spouse - No means No and only yes means yes and then only if she hasn't had anything to drink. And, even when sober, be sure she's on top. It's much more difficult to be falsely accused of rape, that way.
Has political correctness gone too far? Six year old boys are being trained not to try to kiss a girl. Nine year old brothers are taught not to poke their older sister in the butt or they'll be classified a sexual deviate. Connect this with a recent survey that showed that 35% of men 18-35 never plan to marry. With this trend growing, it's going to be interesting if the next generation of boys will have anything to do with women, romantically. But, I guess that's what sperms banks are for.
Snippets on the Sexual Abuse of
Children
Source: The Future of Children, a publication of the Center for the Future of Children, The David and Lucile Packard Foundation.
Sexual Abuse Linked to Smoking in Women
Child Sexual Abuse Cases Harder To Track,
Verify
Childhood Sexual Abuse of Boys Tied to
Psychological Problems when they become Men
Researchers found that of nearly 2,500 men attending 18 medical practices, those with a history of sexual abuse were more likely than other men to report mental health, sexual or substance abuse problems. Among the 150 men who said they'd been sexually abused as children, 62% reported at least one such problem, as did 56% of the 69 men who said they'd been molested in adulthood--considered to be after age 16.
Dr. Michael King of Royal Free and University College Medical School in London led the study. The findings appeared in a recent issue of the British Journal of Psychiatry.
According to King's team, until recently there had been no data on how prevalent sexual abuse during adulthood is among European men, or on its psychological effects. In an earlier study, the researchers had found that nearly 3% of men in a sample of general practice patients reported being sexually molested as adults. The same was true of 18% of men seeking care at a clinic specializing in genital and urinary health.
In the current study, King's team found that, like men who'd been sexually abused as children, those who reported unwanted sexual contact in adulthood had a higher-than-average risk of sexual problems, substance abuse and "self-harm." Abuse in adulthood was particularly tied to self-harm, as was so-called consensual sexual contact with someone at least 5 years older before the age of 16--the legal age of consent in the UK.
Overall, childhood sex abuse showed the most widespread effect on long-term psychological health, with these men being twice as likely to report disorders like depression and anxiety and nearly four times as likely to have tried to kill or harm themselves.
Men who reported abuse in adulthood were about 2.5 times more likely to attempt to harm themselves compared with those with no abuse history. The risk was 70% higher than average among men who reported consensual sex with an older person before age 16.
"'Consensual' experiences in childhood and sexual molestation in adulthood are significant predictors of self-harm," according to King and his colleagues.
When men attempt to harm themselves, the researchers note, this
should alert doctors to the possibility of past sexual abuse.
Source: British Journal of Psychiatry
2002;181:153-157, www.abcnews.go.com/wire/Living/reuters20020926_204.html
Pamela Diehl-Moore, 43, pleaded guilty in January to sexual assault as part of an agreement to avoid a possible three-year prison sentence.
"I really don't see the harm that was done and certainly society doesn't need to be worried," the Hackensack, New Jersey Judge Bruce Gaeta said yesterday. He ordered Diehl-Moore to continue counselling for severe depression.
The boy had just completed Diehl-Moore's seventh-grade class at Woodrow Wilson Middle School in Clifton when the six-month relationship began in the summer of 1999, authorities said.
Gaeta said the boy did not appear to suffer any psychological damage. "Maybe it was a way for him, once this happened, to satisfy his sexual needs. People mature at different ages," he said.
Diehl-Moore, a divorcee with two daughters, was suspended after her arrest last year. She has since lost her teaching licence.
Source: www.theaustralian.news.com.au/printpage/0,5942,4378908,00.html
As CNN’s Nancy Grace plaintively asks, ‘Why is it when a man rapes a little girl, he goes to jail, but when a woman rapes a boy, she had a breakdown?’”
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